Dating during the war

Scope and tone

This guide covers the practical effects of the war on getting to know someone from Ukraine or Russia. It does not discuss who is right, and it does not predict events. Where it states conditions, they come from official government pages, named and dated below, and they may have changed by the time you read this. Always check the current version.

If you are in contact with someone who lives in or near a war zone, the main rule is the one that governs any human conversation: listen more than you speak, do not press for details, and do not turn her situation into a story about yourself.

What the war changes in daily contact

Interrupted calls and delayed replies

In Ukraine, air-raid alerts can sound at any hour and people are advised to go to a shelter at once. The UK government’s travel advice for Ukraine, read on 6 November 2026, says that missile and drone attacks take place frequently across the country and that people should be prepared to take shelter immediately when an air alert is announced. The same page mentions that scheduled power blackouts may be required in some areas and can affect heating and water supplies.

For a relationship this has a plain consequence. A woman who does not answer for several hours, or whose video call ends abruptly, may be in a shelter, without electricity or without internet. It is not necessarily a sign of lost interest. The reverse also applies: real difficulties can be used as a cover story by scammers, so read the section on scams below.

Russia: different pressures

The UK government’s travel advice for Russia, read on 6 November 2026, advises against all travel to Russia. It reports that drone attacks have led to airspace restrictions and to frequent and unpredictable delays, diversions and cancellations of flights in and out of Russian airports. It also notes that there is no direct flight from Russia to the UK or through EU countries, and that indirect routes exist through other countries.

Many people in Russia are not directly in danger on any given day, but flights, banking and travel are all more complicated than before 2022, and they can change at short notice.

Emotional weight

Many people on both sides have family members, friends or colleagues in the other country, and some are in the armed forces or have lost relatives. A woman may be anxious, grieving or tired, or she may deliberately avoid the subject. She may be quiet about her views because she does not know you well enough, or because speaking openly feels unsafe or divisive.

The practical question: can you meet?

Travel to Ukraine

The UK government’s travel advice for Ukraine, last updated on 2 October 2026 and read on 6 November 2026, states that the Foreign, Commonwealth and Development Office (FCDO) advises against all travel to most of the country and against all but essential travel to the regions of western Ukraine it lists. It also says that Ukraine’s airspace remains closed, that martial law is in place throughout the country and that the borders with Russia and Belarus are closed. People who do travel overland usually cross from an EU country or Moldova.

Other governments publish their own advisories. Anyone considering a trip should read the current advice of his own government and check whether his travel insurance is valid for the destination. The FCDO page notes that travel insurance could be invalidated if you travel against its advice, and the same principle holds in many other countries.

This guide does not recommend travelling to Ukraine, and it does not say that travelling is impossible. It says that the decision belongs to the traveller and is serious.

Leaving Ukraine

The same FCDO page states that Ukrainian nationals and dual nationals who are men aged 23 to 60 are prohibited from leaving the country. This is a central fact for many couples: the man cannot come to the woman, and many of the Ukrainian men in her life cannot leave to meet anyone.

Rules for women, for children and for people with particular situations are different. They change, and they are set by the Ukrainian authorities, so look at the official site of the State Border Guard Service of Ukraine or at your embassy for details instead of relying on someone else’s summary.

Travel to and from Russia

The FCDO advice for Russia, read on 6 November 2026, advises against all travel to Russia. It also warns that there is an increased risk of foreign nationals being detained, including for reasons connected to political activity or public expressions of opinion, and that the ability of the UK government to help is extremely limited. Citizens of other countries should read their own government’s advice.

Meeting in a third country

Many couples meet in a neighbouring country, such as Poland, Romania, Moldova or Hungary, or somewhere in the EU. This has advantages: no martial law, a normal border, and a place where both can travel more freely. It also has disadvantages: expense, a visa or entry requirement for her if she is not an EU citizen, and the fact that she may have to leave family, work or children at home. Plan realistically, and do not expect her to take risks or spend money on your behalf.

Building trust at a distance

When you cannot meet quickly, the way you communicate matters more than usual.

1. Be consistent. Say what you will do and do it. Regular, calm contact helps more than intense bursts.
2. Accept silence without alarm. After a long gap, ask whether she is safe, not why she did not write.
3. Use video early and often. A real person on a live call, speaking naturally, is the best evidence available at a distance.
4. Respect her time zone and routine. Ukraine is in an eastern European time zone; check it before calling.
5. Do not ask for proof of hardship. If she wants to tell you about her situation, she will.
6. Never promise what you cannot deliver. Promises about visas, sponsorship or marriage made too early create pressure and expectations.

Scams that exploit the war

Scammers exploit every crisis, and the war is no exception. The following patterns are well known in online dating fraud in general:

• A sudden emergency requiring money. An evacuation, a medical bill, a damaged home, a transfer fee. The amount usually grows.
• A refusal to appear on live video, or a call that never happens, followed by an excuse linked to the war.
• Pressure to move off the dating platform quickly to a private messaging app.
• Declarations of love within days and very polished messages that read like poems.
• Requests for gift cards, cryptocurrency or money transfers to a person or an account you cannot verify.
• A request to pay a third party for a visa, a permit or a “guarantee”.
• A story that always requires more money, and never ends in a meeting.

If you recognise one or more, stop sending money, keep all the messages and report it to your national fraud authority. Examples include the FTC’s reportfraud.ftc.gov in the United States, the FBI’s ic3.gov for internet crime, and the Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre in Canada. If you have already sent money, contact your bank or payment service immediately.

Genuine hardship exists, and a real woman may truly be in difficulty. The test is the same as anywhere: she is someone you have seen on live video, whom you can check independently, and whose request fits the story she has told you for weeks. If you want to help a real person, helping through a recognised humanitarian organisation is usually safer than sending money to an individual.

Sensitive topics and how to handle them

Politics. Do not offer opinions on the war unprompted. If she raises it, let her speak. Ask “how are you and your family?” rather than “what do you think of the situation?”

Language. Some people have changed the language they use in daily life. Ask rather than assume. See the guide on languages, names and identity.

Humour. Avoid jokes about the war, the armies or the governments, even if she makes one herself.

Social media. In Russia, the FCDO advice warns that expressing support for Ukraine on social media can put a foreigner at risk of detention while in the country. Do not post anything about her, her family or her views without her consent, and consider the risk to her of being associated with a foreigner’s public statements.

Children and family. Do not ask about the whereabouts of male relatives, military service or evacuation plans unless she brings it up. They are risky and personal subjects.

If she lives outside her country now

Many women from Ukraine now live in other countries, and many women from Russia have also left. They may be working, studying, with their families or on their own. Do not assume that a woman who lives abroad wants to be defined by the war or that she is looking for a way to emigrate. For one view of the Ukrainian diaspora in Canada, the French-language site Top site rencontre has an article on women from Ukraine in Quebec.

Sources read for this guide

These pages describe conditions for British nationals. The rules and risks for other nationalities may differ, and they change often. Check your own government’s advice and the official sites of the Ukrainian and Russian authorities before you act.

Summary

• Interrupted calls and long silences are often caused by alerts, outages or stress, and they are not necessarily signs of disinterest.
• Travel to and from both countries is difficult. Official advice, read on 6 November 2026, advises against all travel to Russia and against all or all but essential travel to Ukraine, depending on the region.
• Men aged 23 to 60 who are Ukrainian nationals are prohibited from leaving Ukraine, according to the FCDO page.
• Meeting in a third country is common.
• Money requests from someone you have never met are the leading sign of a scam, whatever the story.

Read next: Russia and Ukraine are not the same, or the older article on Ukrainian women: stereotypes and first dates.